Extreme MagicOver
by KeiraGrange
Summary: Harry Potter ABSOLUTELY despises his Potions teacher. But, what will he think when Snape and most of the gang at Hogwarts except for Harry get extreme magic-overs? We'll see, won't we?
1. BOILS!

Hey Fanfic Fanatics,

Heres a hilarious idea that **ADeerInHeadLights** and I discovered. I wrote this and I hope she likes it. Teehee!

.KG.

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**_Extreme Magic-Over_**

Shoulder length black hair. Oily. Hook nose. Black clothes. Damn sexy. Well, that's what I would think if I was blind, but unfortunately, I'm not and my eyes have pretty much burned out of my sockets just staring at my revolting, disgusting, replusive-

"Weasley!" yelled Prof. Snape. Thanks dick-fuck. Just wreck my bloody intro. THANKS ALOT. What an anus-

"Potter!"

"Whatta?" I yelled stupidly. Oh shit, I've done it now. And he's started staring at my scar. My god-damn lightning scar. Yeah, I'd love to punch you right in the face with my new pimp ring covered in bling... Then you'd have _my_ mark on your pale deathly face. God, you look like death heated up in a microwave.

"Have you finished your Beautify Potion?" Snape the idiot asked. No, wang chong.

"Yes," I lied and Snape the Gaylord looked in my cauldron. He's buying it. He's buying it! He's -

"Not buying that poor excuse for a Beautify Potion. Where is it?" Snape snapped.

"I tried using it on your dismal face but I didn't have enough..." The class hovered. Damn, I'm good.

"What did you say you revolting, disgusting, repulsive-"

"It's rude to talk about yourself ALL the time," I retorted. The class laughed.

Snape glared at me. Oopsie. Doopsie. I've done it now. Detention, I can feel it.

"I am not ugly!" Snape yelled.

"Er, yes you are professor," Hermione said. Woo, you go girl!

"We'll see about that Gangrene..." Snape said.

"IT'S GRANGER YOU SON OF A TURD," Hermione yelled.

"Whatever... DUMBLEDORE!" Snape yelled and Dumbledore entered the room.

"Yes, my disfigured little Severed-head. I mean Severus," Dumbledore stumbled over his words before smiling at the class and gesturing a hand around the room, magically forcing the class to clap uncontrollably. I just clapped uncontrollably because I'm in love with Dumbledore.

"Dumbledore, am I... ugly?" Snape asked.

"Of course you are! Why else would I hire you? I have to make myself look attractive somehow!" Dumbledore replied and Snape frowned. Haha, stupid prick.

"NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no..." Snape muttered and drank all of the Beautifying Potions brewed in class. None of them worked on him except for Neville's which caused him to develop sickly boils on his face. Ohh, whoops that was mine...

"No matter," Dumbledore sighed and prodded a particularly prominent boil. "I'll put in an application for you for 'Extreme Make Over - Extra Ugly Wizard Edition'"

Snape cried a little bit more and ran out of the room. Dumbledore smiled to the class.

"He's already made it through without the boils!" Dumbledore cheered and waved a small letter around before exiting the room. Hermione and I were the only ones to notice that Dumbledore's robes were tucked into his oversized slimming underwear which caused a solitary giggle to escape our lips.

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Hehe, more soon.

.KG.


	2. Snape's Ordeal

**Hi Guys!**

Second installment of Extreme Magic Over! Please review and tell me and ADeerInHeadLight's what you think. It would be greatly appreciated!

.KG.

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Snape's Ordeal

Snape's POV

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BOILS!

General POV

Snape didn't cease his crying fit for 3 minutes and 46 seconds which was the exact amount of time he required to reach his Head[Snape!] Quarters. As soon as he reached the door, Snape noticed something purple with pink polka dots lying in a mangled pile on the floor. Snape's curriosity got the better of him and he leant down to pick up the lacy pile, only to feel an all too familiar tug on his belly button and new found boils. After a moment of confusion, Snape slammed into the fluffy cream carpet of a very stylish boutique and immediately noticed 'A. Dumbledore' on the tag of the lacy knickers.

"Dumbledore and his bloody underwear!" Snape sneered.

As soon as Snape found his feet (which he managed to do by touching his leather boots) he stood up and examined the chic room. Mirrors decked the walls and lush carpet covered the floor. It was like nothing Snape had ever seen. A cream leather swivel chair sat near a mirror with lights around the rim. The chair swivlled around and Snape thought it should have stopped when it faced him. But it didn't.

"Shit!" Snape heard a familiar smooth voice mutter and the chair turned around again.

"Oh, hello Snape. I always knew you'd end up here," Gilderoy Lockhart said smoothly. He turned and looked in the mirror.  
"Oh no! Hair 3.684 is out of place!" he squealed and flicked a strand out of his face before bucking his head back and shaking his head of hair like a woman in a Pantene advertisement. Snape sighed heavily and rolled his eyes.  
"How are you old friend?" Lockhart asked coyly.  
"I didn't know we established being friends," Snape retorted. "I'm fine."  
Lockhart squinted and brandished his wand and muttered "Aperio Truedermos" at Snape's boils. Snape looked shaken.  
"There... beautiful... Well, you still need a bit of work but at least I can look at you now," Lockhart smiled.  
"I never asked for one of your homemade beauty remedies!" Snape growled.  
"Temper, temper." Lockhart tutted and smiled before pulling out a bottle.  
"Do you know what this is?" Lockhart asked.  
Snape shook his head.  
"I didn't think so," Lockhart began. "It's a bottle of shampoo." He threw it at Snape. "My shampoo. Try using it sometime..." Lockhart finished and screwed up his face before gazing vainly at his reflection again.  
"Do you know why you are here?" Lockhart asked, steepling his fingers together and leaning back in his chair.  
Snape raised an eyebrow. "I assumed that I am here because Dumbledore cannot keep track of his various pairs of underwear." Snape said. Gilderoy threw back his head and laughed, causing his chair to fall backwards and throw him head over heels to the floor. Lockhart got up dramatically and posed on the floor.  
"You, Severus Snape," Lockhart said and changed his pose. "Are here," The pose changed again. "To be the newest participant," The pose changed yet AGAIN and Snape considered closing his eyes to save his eyesight.  
"On... EXTREME MAGIC-OVER!" Lockhart bellowed adn changed his pose.  
The walls surrounding the two wizards suddenly disappeared revealing the students of Hogwarts and a camera crew who were standing in the exact same pose as Lockhart.  
Snape felt his skin burn under the sharp light of the spotlight while Lockhart strode forward and bowed with a huge smile plastered on his face.  
"Welcome to this special edition of EXTREME MAGIC-OVER!"

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Thanks! Hope you liked it. Remember to review!

.KG.


	3. The Show

**Chapter Three Of The Extreme Magic Over - The Show**

**Hi Guys,**

ENJOY!

.KG.

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_**Harry's POV**_

I couldn't believe my eyes! Snape looked… good!

Wait, I forgot to put on my glasses… Ah, that's worse. Oh, and here was I stroking Hermione's head thinking she was Mrs Norris. Excellent. I tried to hide behind Hermione's bushy mane of hair, as Lockhart came towards the crowd. Merlin knows what would happen if he saw me…  
"Welcome, welcome!" Lockhart announced, bowing and posing and bowing again. I turned to Ron to say something funny and witty about Lockhart, but Ron was too busy drooling… Wait, why was Ron drooling?  
"Ron! Mate? Why are you drooling?" I asked, looking horrified. Ron turned to me and smiled dreamily.  
"Look at his hair!" he cried and clapped rapidly for the blonde idiot.

_**General POV**_

Harry slapped his forehead and peered through Hermione's bushy locks as a backstage crew dressed as mimes pushed a vanity on set and ran back to their cameras to pose dramatically.  
"Good evening, witches and wizards, goblins and gargoyles," Lockhart began "Dumbledore and Draco Malfoy-"  
"OH MY GOD HE KNOWS MY NAME!!" Draco squealed and fainted consequently. Lockhart continued.  
"…And chosen ones and Dark Lords and Whore-cruxes and Muggles (who don't watch this show because we'll get in trouble with the Ministry) and squibs and Portkeys(like this one)" and Lockhart held up Dumbledore's lacy knickers which caused a solitary giggle to escape his lips.  
"…AND of course, yours truly" Lockhart finished and bowed as the crowd clapped madly.  
"Tonight, we shall delve into the depths of true wizard beauty and recreate Severus Snape's style!" Lockhart gazed into the audience.  
"As you know there are four stages of the Magic-Over. The first is one of Magi-surgery which corrects certain features. Second is a hair and makeup makeover!" The crowd went wild and no-one noticed Snape protest saying "I DON'T WEAR MAKEUP!!".  
"Thirdly, in the fitness stage we train the witch or wizard into top shape. And finally is the reveal when the Magic-Overed participant is uncovered! Let's BEGIN!"

Snape was dragged backstage as the miming crew twiddled their wands and transformed the room into a Magi-Surgery room.

"First!" said Lockhart. "The MAGI-SURGERY!"  
Snape rolled his eyes before being knocked out by a Stupefy curse followed up by and anaesthetic charm.

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Chapter 4 coming SOON!


End file.
